My kind of guy

 I'm in a strange ... feeling. I'm in it. I'm into it. It
sounds weird , I don't think it's actually right to
say such a thing in english , but let's just say that
I have the license to do it.
  So. I'm in a strange feeling. I'm in a Carrie feeling.
About 15 minutes I ended watching Sex& The city,
the movie.
  It was great. It was amazing. I watched the TV
series more than once , but... It's not the same.
I know it's just a movie but...
   There are always 'but-s'. But.But.But.
    Well.
    It's so real. I realised how much these girls
care about each other in the moment Carrie got
dumped. And I wondered :
         Do I have 3 other girlfriends to do that for me?
    I don't.
    Will I get dumped?
     Will I get my own Big?
   I really want my own Big. I just love that man.
I love the appearance of Chris Noth and the
charater of John Preston . Mr Big. Mr Right. Or,
how I like to call him The Big.
  The Big. He's big. He's tall . He's handsome.
He's rich. He's a man. He has issues. He isn't
perfect , but ( again) that is what makes The Big
perfect.
  He's done a lot of wrong things. He's the worst
choice from all the choices. But... It's natural. I
realised about 2 seconds ago that the only guy
I really loved made me suffer like hell. And even
now I think of him. And even now I wonder if ...
If he'd come back now would I say yes? I tried
to picture myself in this situation and I pictured
myself saying that he's a man-hore. But. I don't
actually think that if he would appear here
devastated after the situation I know he's in ,
telling me ' Sorry , I'm a dumb ass , could you please
forgive me? Please tell me you still love me '
I would say no.
  Even now. Every guy has to be compared to him.
He's been The Big. And I want to get rid of this thing.
  Every and each one of us has its Big. Some chose
him wisely , some didn't. I'm in the second .
   But. I'm trying to get in the first. Now I just have to
find The Big. The real one.




Myriam Lacroche