Betrayal

 what does this word mean?
 Well. let's see. when usually a woman talks about
betrayal people generally suppose a man must
be involved too.
  For me it's not.
  It has never been.
  But.
  I feel betrayal . I feel betrayed. I feel as if I gave
my soul to someone and that person has other
souls to handle and has left mine behind.
  I feel left behind. I would beg for some attention.
  Because i can't seem to find what i am seeking for.
 And.... The betrayers find it. Without me. And that
is why I feel betrayed.
  It's stupid isn't it?
  At least , it looks stupid. I might not have the gift
of talking . I might not be pretty. I might not have
done a great job dumping a great guy. But how
guilty am I?
   I feel guilt. I feel the guilt of the entire planet.
And no one feels my guilt. I bare the sins of the
universe but i refuse to weigh mine.
  I am scared that one day i will wake up alone.
  I am afraid i will be betrayed continously.
  I fear the fact that the bearer of my soul will
always leave it behind.
  I fear the fact that i will never know the real
weight of my sin , and that i will always  believe
it's bigger than it really is.
   I feel that the whole world can't understand me.
Why , oh why , big world , why don't you understand?
  Why don't you take my happiness forever?
  I am done with being happy for a second and waking
up for the following minute to realise my happiness
was an illussion.
   Why do i feel betrayed?
   By the world , the sky , the sea , the rain , the trees,
why do they all betray me?
   Why am I the only chosen?
    I keep hoping there must be another person in
my situation. And when we'll meet we'll forget
the betrayal of the others and focus on ourselves.
    There is only one person who could never
betray me. And there is no longer the person who
never did. I love them both. I still do.  And if i
can wish anything is that one day we'll meet again
to apologise to the ones who never betrayed me and
whom i betrayed.
      Why do people invent so many things?
      Technology is meant to make you suffer.
     It's meant to make you feel small , cheap,
and left behind. The world is going on without you,
but you can't stop it. Technology can show you how
much you mean to people. And usually you will be
dissapointed , because you'll realise that you don't
mean that much to that person...
   It's a matter of development.
  You have to step on others' bodies to make your
own way.


Myriam Lacroche