Life& love

Somebody told me one day that i was going to find my prince
someday but he was not the one.
Everyday i believe more and more that there is no such thing
as my prince charming riding the white horse. I keep waiting
for the right one to appear but he just keeps saying no to my
wishes , because i refuse to beg.
I've fallen out for a guy and i don't know if what i feel is real.
Of course , he doesn't know and if he would even read this
he would say that definetly he isn't that " one" that i am talking
about.
I haven't ever fallen in such a deep way for someone. Or maybe
just once , but let's say it was because i had known that person
for many years. Now , i know nothing about him , he's a mistery,
he gives me hopes , he takes them , i felt betrayed by him some
time ago and now , when history repeats i'm in the same situation.
  If he would make me feel like the most stupid person on earth right
now , next time i would do exactly the same , i mean leting him
know exactly what i feel for him.
   I feel so old. It makes me feel old. Love makes me feel old. I'm done
with considering all the possible options , I'm done with interpreting all
his gestures, I'm done with everything.
   But who is going to believe me? I don't even believe me. Why would
you? Why would he?
   I'm dumb. I don't even learn although i have great plans and some
people have great expectations. tomorow i have test papers in physics
and TIC. So what? I don't even bother. I'm too old for anything.
   And you know what's funny? I'm one of the most open-minded and
natural people in my class , but when it comes to him i'm the funniest
and dumbest person ever. I pretend not to see him , i refuse to talk
to him , i do the worst things ever.
   What is there left to say? I feel stupid , in love with  the dumbest boy,
i feel old , i feel tired and i really am what i feel.

I am what i do and what i do is who i am.